Fleeting Chance

Fleeting Chance

The Day: February 15, 2015

Written: June 14, 2015

 

Fleeting friends were home together at last. The day that tool 6 years in the making had finally come. New friends and old friends collided over a bottles of Tequila, Whiskey and Wine.

The surrealism was honorable for Dali. Two different but relatable worlds came together for a more than pleasant evening.

Two more joined the festivities as shouts of happiness rained down upon those in the neighboring room.

Such a sweet smile shot towards me as I heard a beautiful voice. I reciprocated but not in a way worth her beauty. Why was she so happy to see me that night? I long for such an event to happen again.

All of us laughed, chatted, drank and giggled. We locked eyes off and on. I longed for more. I wonder if she did too. I still do.

She grabbed me by my arm and brought me to her room where she wanted to show me some of her drawings and material representations. I was in drunken ecstasy. I was with my muse. Surreal.

Voices in the other room broke the mold that we were forming with each other. What would have happened if we were but alone for another few minutes. I can only dream.

I’m not good for her. She is what I wish I could be. A Free spirit, like a dandelion in a breeze. I am not that, I am a sad and depressing soul.

She brings out the best in me. I know I can’t do the same for her. I can’t be with her. I shouldn’t think about her. I will only hurt her in the end.

But I want her. I love everything that she has revealed to me so far. I’ve never dreamt of dancing under the stars prior to meeting her. I just want to prove how I want to be while alone with her; away from others and distractions, just me and her and our childish minds let wild.

I want to dance, create, find and fill all of her desires. I feel selfless while thinking about her. I can only say yes to her. I never thought I would feel this way.

I didn’t know what this feeling was. Now I know what others have felt. Now I know how hurt one gets when someone breaks their heart. I can’t go through that…again.

I am a very passionate and caring person. I just don’t show it to many. Few actually bring out this side of me. Those that think I have substantial feelings towards them; in actuality I do not.

I can never break that to them for the pain is too much for me to bare. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I know oh too much what pain is like. I am caught in the hellish mental world of pain, depression and grief.

I don’t deserve to be with her. I am too sad of a person. I would only ruin her life.

If somehow you felt the same as me at one point. Just know, I would do anything for you. I’ve never felt such a wave of feelings in my life. You are truly special to me. No one had unlocked this side of me before. Not to this extent and not this sudden.

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and holding I am. Love at first sight is real. Love-struck I am.

From the moment I first set eyes on you I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.

P.s. a lot has changed since then.

I am a better man.